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Confession of Confusion


 
The state  of where I myself do not know what I am looking for
I know- Straight away one word - Confused is the term
Are you sure what u r doing and whaty u want to  do
how did u reach to such strong a conclusion
Was it a easy Journey till here?



Sitting by myself I ask the  girl within-
Girl - when did u become the lady you are
At times I try to track the many small emotions which were never even considered by me
I miss them now
I wish i could fulfill them
Is this why - I am into the satate of confusion
I confess - I am confused
I am confused with the past and the future
I live for the day
I live the momnet
But when the moment pases by i feel i just lived in my past
I cant quite distinguish the past from my present
It was breathing and learning and adopting
It still is breathing Learning and adopting
Well now the question- when did u become such a lady?
A confused answer with such a tsunami inside
Did i really transform into a lady.
Or
Is it a small child inside that grown up me that creates all these confusion.

Walking by the lane,looking at faces passing by
Questions pop in my head like
The bubble shots from a new bubblegum experimenter
Amidst the vibrations of positvity and negativity
I seem to sipin forward and backward like a thread
My own thoughts and beliefs and principles gets entangled
It is really tuff and tiring to open these tangles.
Am I into the process of losing myself.
Does it happen to all- and I am the only one overthinking?

Friends Family Acquinteces - bring that momentary smile
Who does dislike to smile- nor do I?
The very next moment it gives a feeling of emptiness
A void shell which echoes the symphony of an unknown pain
I am desperate to find the reason of this emptiness
Running with time like a macihne with on and off button
Smiling like the lights on and lights off
Its not a bad way- but - this but drives me crazy.
Sitting with 100 people around
I feel like under the spotlight of someone unkonwn
A constant question MARK being haning over my head.

Gazing at the sky
I feel like flying to the unknown distance
I remember few lines from The Skylark
I wish I had that brightness to b a shining bird in the sky
The night sky is like the calmness I want in me
No one sees the clouds at night
What all sees is the sparkling twinkling stars
No one knows  although while we see them - they might have been lost
All their light and been destroyed as meteors
Or more flowery words like shjooting stars
I wonder if the sky itself knows what it holds
I want to b the sky-
The everchanging
The most adaptive
The limitless unfailing spirit- where any colour looks wow
The place where all gaze with high spirits
The sky - the most vast beautiful canvas to anything and everything
Speaking high of the sky i realise I want to be the land beneath too
I want to hold onto on to all the patience this earth holds
I am confused- Yes I want to be the nature
I just want to be like the raw yet beautiful nature
Want to run wild into the natural me


I live a mechanical life
I feel this natural life is a inexistant illusionary image in my soul
No one knows it no one has seen it
Imagination - leads me to a fantasy world of unsustainability
Conciously sitting inside a room where even the air is artificial I speak of nature
I speak of being a free spirit
I am not sure had i got that- how much could i have realised it and enjoyed it
Let dreams be dreams
Let the child sleep within the lady with reels of dream being constantly rolled
Let the confusion be a confusion
Let the lady laugh momentarily
Let the world see a mechanical human
Cause everyone is the same
A soul with thousand and one dreams yet mechanically working  through uncertanities

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